A shiver goes down my back. A quaking in the core of this being. Am I bold enough to make a step into uncertainty on purpose?
Being daring- living with boldness- often comes from a spontaneous stepping up, stepping out of comfort, and then afterwards you are left with your doubts and panic. But the more you take those steps, the sooner you find out that it is true. There is nothing to fear but fear itself and even that is not really worth fearing.
I recently went on a weekend retreat in Albuquerque. It was for an authorization within my path and it wasn’t guaranteed that I’d pass the weekend or be approved. This authorization is something I worked towards for a long time and it held deep meaning to me. The step was there to be taken if I was drawn to it. Still, I didn’t have to do it. I knew for a long time I was coming to it with the wrong mindset, more out of obligation than a personal desire.
It’s funny that I pride myself a bit on not operating out of obligation most of the time. No, I do things because I want to do them. I’ll never know for sure if that’s the right mindset, but in this instance I knew it definitely couldn’t come out of obligation.
When I finally knew I was doing it for the right reasons, I still felt shaky about it. But hey, the journey is in the trying new things on and doing them with gusto. It’s not in the sitting around feeling unsure . If for some reason I didn’t go through with it, that would be OK but it certainly wouldn’t be bold.
I’ve always thought that people shouldn’t be given a pass on continual growth just because they are getting up in years. When a mindset becomes so fixed that it can’t be opened just a little bit more, it becomes dead.
I want to become one of those wonderful silver haired women who create magic all around them. The magic comes from the fact that they don’t forget life is a gift and our job is to never stop living intentionally and vigorously.
The reason I believe in boldness is not to be a diva or a demigod, but because life is worth the effort of waking up.
